honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
