i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
