ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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