at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
