I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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