Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
