I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
