I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
