dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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