i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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