hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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