he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
