I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
