If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
