my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
