I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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