I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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