i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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