did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
