Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
