some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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