oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
