dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
