At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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