You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
