thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
