Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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