oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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