how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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