i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
