I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
