so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
