what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
