Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
