i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im holly from the hills drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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