I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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