Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
