dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
