Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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