ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
