2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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