I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
