I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
