Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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