No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
