I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
