Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
