My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
