whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
