Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
