i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
